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Brian's Story

Brian turned 43 this past summer and felt that he hadn't taken a break in years. (It was true!) His family was enjoying time on vacation without him again, this time because of a recent acquisition. He planned to meet them over the weekend on his way back from Europe. But Monday he was back in the office, the office had left an urgent message. Could he come back early and help ... or should they get someone else on it. Brian secretly felt good that they needed him. Often this secret was hidden even from him.

He grumbled about it Sunday night as he packed up to drive back to the city. His wife asked if there wasn't someone else who could handle it. She didn't try too hard, this pattern was one she had become used to. Resigned, she wished him a safe trip back.

During the week, Brian felt torn. Work was stimulating, but stressful as he had a tendency to say yes to requests. When he first joined the firm, that attitude had allowed him to rise through the ranks. Now, it was expected that he would meet the challenge. He wasn't feeling appreciated so much as taken for granted. And there was little room for promotion anymore.

He was feeling stuck even as one of the top members of the executive staff. He may have continued this way except for a close call on the freeway. The cell phone was often in use as he drove, he knew he was able to pay attention. But not that day. Up ahead someone made a mistake and the resulting split second high speed sequence of events might have ended much worse. It might have cost his life!

He resolved that it was time to make some changes, life was just too short and too precious.

Brian Experiences Coaching

All of this was revealed to me several weeks later as we coached around the topics of time management, priorities and his family values. He was referred to me by a colleague and came initially with the idea that he just needed to get a little extra time and all would be fine. "I think I need to slow down, but I can't see where I can let go." was his introduction to me.

One of my initial tools with a new client is to review values and how would a life of satisfaction look to them. Although family time ranked high as a value, his actions and actual time history revealed a different picture.

We also discovered that over the years, he had let his hobbies go as work responsibilities seem to always take precedence in his decisions. He hadn't gone on his "annual back packing trip with the guys" for 3 years now. Another was coming up and he had already hinted that he probably couldn't make it. Why? I challenged him. You don't enjoy it any more?

It was as though he had built up a set of beliefs that his job was still at risk if he didn't give it his all. And he had significant responsibilities with a home, vacation home, 3 kids and college looming for the oldest in just a few years.

Step by step we looked at changes he could make. Many of them he had thought of and dismissed as impractical, not enough time. He took a critical look at the way he delegated to his team and how he rarely asked for support from fellow staff. As he made changes, he saw that others around him were able to relax a bit as well.

Brian is reclaiming the life that he wants... each day.